Inanimate object grudge match

Fact: I am awkward in social situations in which I feel out of place. Evidence: Last year's Ivey Awards, which I went to less because I had any reason to be at an awards show that celebrated Twin Cities theatre and more because I wanted to wear a pretty dress. So I did that. And I was awkward.

How awkward, you ask? Well, I felt totally out of place because in contrast to every single other person in attendance I'm neither an actor nor conventionally attractive. Also, this was around the time that I had learned that I'm only black in profile, so that was weighing pretty heavily on me. Oh, and I should mention that I was wearing a backless dress with a super-plunging neckline, so the whole night I was worried about how much I was exposing (no link there, just to be safe). But, as they say, actions speak louder than oddly-shaped bodies. Which must be why I also managed to compare a talented performer to a silly internet cartoon character to his face immediately upon being introduced to him, and somehow accidentally got to first base with a platonic gentleman friend (again, it's best not to link).

This was all without benefit of alcohol, too. Good lord, I am awkward.

But not this year. This year will be different. I have a plan. A fashion plan.


The inspiration:

(not the best picture of the dress, but I loves me some Lily Allen)

The plan:

And the supplies:

So watch out Iveys; I'm coming for you with a vengeance. I can't promise I'll be less awkward, but I can promise I will be fabulous. And really, I think that's the best anyone can hope for.

Photo sources: 1. 2. 3. 4.