Friday, August 27, 2010

QED, Bitches

Prove: I am awesome.

If: I do awesome things   
Then: I am awesome.

Assume: Awesome things are best expressed as bulleted lists:
  • I am sitting at home on Friday night in my underwear working on my resume.
  • I am working on said resume for a class, not because I have any plans to find a new job.
  • I'm having trouble with my resume because I don't know how to describe what it is I do. When I realized that, it made me think of the Bobs from Office Space in their efficiency meeting. I then spent the next several minutes reliving my favorite quotes from the movie and laughing to myself. 
  • Thinking of funny things made me realize I was going to leave a quasi-outraged, quasi-offensive comment on a friend's blog. 
  • Thinking of Office Space made me realize how sad my work life is. 
  • I save condiment packets. That's how sad.
  • I paperclip them together by type, too. Some I have too many of (e.g., Taco Bell hot sauce) so they get a binder clip.
  • I'm not at all ashamed to admit that. You'd be surprised at how many foods can be improved with Taco Bell sauce.
  • There is a bottle of fancy-ish wine downstairs with my name on it. I am going to drink it while I write my resume in my underwear.
  • I just created a detailed, bulleted list proving that I am as awesome as I claim to be.
  • I'm a little mad at myself for using bulleted lists incorrectly.
Hence: I am awesome.

QED, Bitches


(This is actual, sound logic. I took a class in deductive reasoning at community college and got an A+. That's another bullet point.)

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