If: I do awesome things
Then: I am awesome.
Assume: Awesome things are best expressed as bulleted lists:
- I am sitting at home on Friday night in my underwear working on my resume.
- I am working on said resume for a class, not because I have any plans to find a new job.
- I'm having trouble with my resume because I don't know how to describe what it is I do. When I realized that, it made me think of the Bobs from Office Space in their efficiency meeting. I then spent the next several minutes reliving my favorite quotes from the movie and laughing to myself.
- Thinking of funny things made me realize I was going to leave a quasi-outraged, quasi-offensive comment on a friend's blog.
- Thinking of Office Space made me realize how sad my work life is.
- I save condiment packets. That's how sad.
- I paperclip them together by type, too. Some I have too many of (e.g., Taco Bell hot sauce) so they get a binder clip.
- I'm not at all ashamed to admit that. You'd be surprised at how many foods can be improved with Taco Bell sauce.
- There is a bottle of fancy-ish wine downstairs with my name on it. I am going to drink it while I write my resume in my underwear.
- I just created a detailed, bulleted list proving that I am as awesome as I claim to be.
- I'm a little mad at myself for using bulleted lists incorrectly.
QED, Bitches
(This is actual, sound logic. I took a class in deductive reasoning at community college and got an A+. That's another bullet point.)
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