Sort of?

I did not make resolutions this year, because I figure I sort of screwed myself over by starting therapy the month before the new year started. What am I supposed to do to top that level of self-improvement? At any rate, this has led to a lot of minor, half-joking, situational resolutions. A short list:

This year, I have resolved to:

• make Limoncello, in honor of this tweet, and in honor of fruit-flavored alcohol being delicious.
• wear tall socks with heels, because if ever there was an absurd fashion trend for me to follow, this is it.
• take swimming lessons, because as I have mentioned before I can't swim. And, sidenote, this whole idea of black people not being able to swim, which I always assumed was some racist bullshit that slave owners used to say and it somehow stuck around, is actually a real and well-documented cultural phenomenon. And I guess it's true in my own experience, it was always my mom who took us swimming, Dad never even got in the water. Who knew?
• Spend less money on clothing, because I went through 12 months' worth of bank statements last week and apparently that's what I spent the most money on. I was kind of hoping it would be fast food, because that would be easy to cut out. 
• Joint resolution with Heather: Be sexy with each other, but not with each other (there is a suggestive eyebrow raise and raised inflection in that italicized text, by the way). I don't think there was any specific reason for this resolution other than we bought Groupons for the gym that has stripper pole fitness classes and we need to use them before they expire. 
• Apply for the Fringe Festival again. This one is not so much a resolution as an acceptance of the inevitable. The misguided, hilarious, half-written inevitable.

There you have it. I have seen the future, and it is now. And it is fucking ridiculous.